


Tony is drinking

by Arvari



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Loki Does What He Wants, M/M, Secret Relationship, Tony Being Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 05:48:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3799048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arvari/pseuds/Arvari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Could you please sit down, Tony?” asked Steve.<br/>“What is this, an intervention or something?”<br/>“Yes, it is,” said Natasha. “Now sit.”<br/>“What?” blinked Tony. “You're kidding, right? You have got to be kidding.”<br/>“Sit. Down,” said Steve and pointed at the armchair conveniently located opposite the sofa on which all the members of the team were seated (although Clint was sitting on the armrest).<br/>“Alright,” shrugged Tony and obediently sat down. “So, what is this about?”<br/>“Drinking,” said Clint. “What did you think?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tony is drinking

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just a short... something for my currently very stressed out mind. I hope you'll like it. Comments are always appreciated. =)

“Jarvis, the 'do not disturb' protocol, please.”

“As you wish, sir.”

Tony smiled at the tall man in front of him.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he said. “And how are we today?”

 

*

 

When Tony stepped into the common living room the next day, he was greeted by the gazes of the rest of The Avengers. Very serious gazes. More serious than the last time New York was almost destroyed by yet another supervillain.

“Uhm,” the inventor said. “Good morning?”

“It's almost noon, Tony,” Bruce sighed.

“Uh. Yeah,” shrugged Tony. “I had some work yesterday, you know, so I went to bed late and-”

“Could you please sit down, Tony?” asked Steve.

“What is this, an intervention or something?”

“Yes, it is,” said Natasha. “Now sit.”

“What?” blinked Tony. “You're kidding, right? You have got to be kidding.”

“Sit. Down,” said Steve and pointed at the armchair conveniently located opposite the sofa on which all the members of the team were seated (although Clint was sitting on the armrest).

“Alright,” shrugged Tony and obediently sat down. “So, what is this about?”

“Drinking,” said Clint. “What did you think?”

“Drinking,” Tony repeated. “Sorry, I still don't get it.”

“You have a serious drinking problem, Tony,” Bruce sighed.

“Uhm... No, I don't? Why would you think that?”

“Well, you almost never come upstairs,” said Steve. “You avoid us. You only ever talk, _really_ talk to Bruce, and that's only when he comes to the lab. You don't spar with us-”

“That's because the last time I tried it, you almost broke my nose and Natasha knocked me out!” Tony protested. “Those are valid reasons, Cap! And I watch movies with all of you. Most of the time. I just get lost in my work sometimes and... You know.”

“You lie to us, Tony,” said Natasha. “You lie almost every time you tell us you worked the night before. You are tired, you are constantly annoyed...”

“Last week you yelled at me for eating the rest of your pizza from the fridge. By the way, I have never seen you eat pizza from the fridge, you always just... order a new one.”

Tony bit his lower lip.  _Yeah, last week wasn't that good_ .  _There was some screaming and almost breaking up..._

“And if that is not enough, Tony,” Bruce sighed, “you were so stupid you told us yourself.”

“Told you... _what_?” Tony blinked.

“That you were drinking. You tell us every time,” said Steve.

“ _What_?!”

“Sir, if I may,” said Jarvis. “The 'do not disturb protocol'.”

“Yeah?”

“The message is 'Tony is drinking', sir.”

“Oh, fuck.” Tony hid his face in his hands and fought a sudden urgency to scream. “How many times have we engaged it in the past month?”

“Eighteen, sir.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Tony repeated. “And whose idea was that stupid message?!”

“Yours, sir. You said 'Tony is drinking or whatever, Jay, I don't care'.”

“Oh, alright, I am an idiot,” Tony muttered. “Guys, I know what you think, but honestly, it's _not_ that. I swear I can't remember the last time I had more than one glass of alcohol in one evening. Please trust me. 'Tony is drinking' is just an automatic message which I set when I was probably... distracted. Right, Jarvis?”

“Very distracted, sir.”

“See? I'm not an alcoholic or anything.”

“Then what are you doing every time your _automatic message_ claims you are drinking?” asked Clint.

“I...” Tony licked his lips. Tony once again bit his lower lip. Tony took a deep breath. _Shit._ “You know what? You're right. I'm drinking. I'm an alcoholic. No, I'm a drunkard, that's it. Yes.”

“Tony?” Natasha cleared her throat. “All of a sudden, I don't trust you.”

“I am an alcoholic,” said Tony again. “I am definitely not having regular sex with my hot alien boyfriend...”

“Hot.... alien... boyfriend,” Bruce nodded. “Just between the six of us, doesn't his name, by pure accident, of course, begin with 'L'?”

“By pure accident,” Tony murmured and cautiously looked at Thor, the only person in the room who hadn't spoken yet but who had been watching the situation with evident interest. And who was now staring at Tony, both eyes and mouth wide with shock.

“Loki?” the god breathed out. “My brother _Loki_?!”

“That would be the one,” said Tony and stood up. “Now if you'll excuse me-”

“Sit. _Down_ ,” growled Steve.

“I guess this is another intervention,” grinned Clint.

“Well, I'm glad at least one of us is having fun, Katniss,” smirked Tony. “God, Loki's gonna kill me for this...”

 

*

 

Several hours later, Loki was thrown into Tony's prison cell. The inventor gave him a little sheepish smile and tried to look as small as possible, or (if possible) disappear altogether.

“You,” snarled Loki. “You incompetent _idiot_!”

“Hi. Nice to see you, too. You know I love you, right?”

“You told them. You just went and told them!”

“I know. I'm sorry, baby. I just... Yeah, you're absolutely right, I am an idiot. How... how did they manage to get you?”

Loki eyed the firmly closed door, and then the almost invisible camera on the ceiling.

“They sent me a message from your mobile phone. One of those 'come to me and then come for me, baby' ones you always send. So I came. To you, I mean.”

“Right. How exactly destroyed is my flat right now?” asked Tony and took a cautious step towards the god.

“It's not. I gave in when I realized they have you imprisoned.”

“Which was immediately?”

“Exactly,” smiled Loki and Tony took another step towards him. And then another.

“I'm really sorry, honey,” he murmured. “They thought I was drinking. I wanted to explain that I wasn't. And I... screwed up a little.”

“A little. Yes. A little. Of course.”

“I love you?” said Tony quietly and bit his lip.

“You have already said that,” sighed Loki, closed the distance between them and put his arms around the inventor's waist. “Don't worry. I'm not angry.”

“You sure? Because you looked pretty pissed off.”

Tony closed his eyes when he felt a light kiss against his forehead.

“I was worried that you might be hurt,” Loki whispered. “I'm glad you are all right.”

“Lokes, they would never hurt me. Honestly, I think...” Tony raised his voice a little. “I think they just want to scare me a little before telling me I can be with you if you keep your mischief... low-key.”

Loki just sighed and rolled his eyes.

 

*

 

“Clever little shit,” smirked Clint and turned his head from the monitor. “I guess we can let them out now.”

“Not yet,” Natasha shook her head. “Let them have few more minutes of uncertainty. Maybe hours.”

“Do we seriously want to do this?” asked Steve.

“I doubt these two idiots realize that,” said Natasha, “but Loki haven't done anything for the past two months. And several months before that? Just little things for fun. I don't think he's dangerous anymore.”

“Besides, he really did give in the moment he knew we had Tony locked up,” said Clint.

“Do you think he loves him?” asked Bruce.

“I do,” said Thor. “I know my brother. Trust me, he is in love.”

“And so is Tony, obviously,” said Natasha. “Steve, do you really think we could separate them? You know _Tony_. He lied to us just to be with him. If we take Loki from him, he will do anything to get him back.”

“You know, it's probably better than if he really was an alcoholic,” Bruce smiled.

“Probably,” Steve nodded. “But-”

“Oh, damn it!” yelled Clint. “Are they seriously going to fuck in the _prison cell_?!”

“It would seem so,” Natasha nodded when she looked at the screen where the two prisoners were currently busy ripping their clothes off. “Yeah. Obviously in love.”

“I didn't need to see _that_ evidence,” gulped Steve. “Jarvis, could you _please_ -”

“Of course, sir.”

The screen went black immediately.

 

*

 

“You are probably the biggest asshole in the Universe,” whispered Tony into Loki's ear and then gently bit the earlobe.

“Me? You started it,” answered Loki just as quietly and his hands squeezed the inventor's naked ass.

“Yeah, but you didn't object.”

“Why would I? So, now that they have probably turned the feed off...” Loki's teeth buried themselves into the skin of Tony's shoulder. “Shall we end this charade now or shall we-”

“We shall fuck,” Tony laughed. “By the way, this is not a magic dampening cell. You could have already gotten us out about... hundred times.”

“But where would be the fun in that, my dear?”

“Jarvis, new 'do not disturb' protocol, please. _Tony is fucking_.”

The AI's voice had never sounded so resigned.

“As you wish, sir...”


End file.
